I'm Going to Tell You a Story...

So, you've probably noticed I've been off the blog thing for a while. I have some theories as to why I'm not so interested in writing much, but none I want to share. It's not a recent phenomenon...it started last December after NaBloPoMo (which you notice I'm not doing this year) and has gotten steadily worse from there. I just feel like there are no good stories worth sharing. So I don't.

Well, today I'm going to try to make up for it by telling you a story about my horrible no good very bad day. Actually, it was just the span of a couple hours, and the fault is all mine. It's not a funny story, but maybe in a few years I'll find it amusing. Or, maybe just you will find it amusing.

I locked myself out of the house today-no keys, no phone, and no way to get back in. Trust me...no way. I tried to take windows and sliders off their tracks, but no...nothing. That would not have been so bad except that I had to pick Padyn up from school in 5 minutes and it is too far to walk it in that amount of time. So, because of no phone, I frantically showed up on my neighbor's doorstep. (I really do have nice neighbors). My neighbor wasn't home, but the babysitter decided I was trustworthy enough to let in and monopolize the phone for 30 minutes. I called Daddy so he could call my friend who could call her mother-in-law who was picking up her daughter from school and ask her to pick up Padyn as well. (No phone means I have no one's phone numbers, because really-who memorizes people's numbers anymore?) Then I called the school to give the friend's MIL permission to pick up my daughter. And I'm trying not to break down in tears with the school secretary. Then I left Kate with my neighbor's sitter and went back for more jimmying. Nothing.

Trying not to panic, cry or throw-up, I went back to the neighbor's for the phone. I had to call Daddy again and give him the full story. And bless him...he didn't get upset or impatient. He calmly told me this was easily solvable and then gave me instructions. I really needed instructions at that point because I was not capable of thinking clearly left to my own devices. I did what he told me to do: called information (because the sitter and I couldn't find a phonebook) and got a bunch of numbers for locksmiths. I had Daddy call the locksmiths because, guess what? I also left my purse with all my money and credit cards at my sister's house. Yep. No phone, no keys, and no access to a purse-even once the house was opened. At least I hadn't locked the car. And I had snacks. It could have been worse.

So, Padyn gets dropped off, she complains about having to eat her snack outside, my neighbor comes home, I keep answering her phone because Daddy and the locksmith are calling me back. Finally, Benny comes. Benny the locksmith. I was expecting a truck. He drove a piece of you-know-what Honda. There's a reason he's a locksmith. Oh, and he can't pick the lock. He's never seen a lock like this. (What? It's a pop-lock! Why can't you open this?) So you know what he has to do? SAW IT OFF. Yep. So now my garage door into the house is minus a doorknob. Oh, and it's more expensive than picking the lock, of course. And I had to get the credit card number and all of our secret information from Daddy via phone so I could pay the guy for rescuing me from my stupidity.

The end.

Nope, it's still not funny yet.

I think I'll go to bed now.