Final countdown

After being pregnant for nine months and in the home stretch, you start contemplating life without an alien in your belly. You can't think about what it will be like when you aren't pregnant anymore when, say, you are only 11 weeks, or even just starting your third trimester. It's just too painful to dwell on all that time you still have left to get fat. But now...now I have only a couple weeks left and I can actually allow myself to daydream about the day I no longer am pregnant. It's interesting what you start looking forward to. It's not the loss of excess weight, or lack of lower back pain. No, no. My fantasies are much simpler.

• Being able to tie my shoes with ease and comfort
• margaritas, wine, vodka tonics, and other such beverages (in moderation, of course)
• life without acid reflux
• a normal belly button
• bending over without my last meal threatening to come back up
• pants that stay up
• painting my own toenails
• no one dancing on my bladder
• did I mention the acid reflux?
• not having a large, dark pigmentation the shape of an upside down Texas on my forehead
• sleeping with just one pillow
• sleeping without waking up from my snoring
• sleeping on my stomach
• sleeping (yes, yes, this is still many months away)

I'm sure there are many more. These are just the ones I am fantasizing about today.